I’ve been failing. Hard. At something I really want to succeed at.
I haven’t been able to still my mind.
So I’ll selfishly be using this blog to provide public shame if I don’t change my ways Help me out here.
I have a vision for my life. I’m trying to behave like the person I’m trying to become (that dude is fucking awesome). In many areas of life (Work, Physical, Fun come to mind) I am kicking ass and taking names. On others I am either pretty satisfied as-is or it’s just not a current focus (Relationships, Friends, Family). But there is one area of life where I have big aspirations – but suck at making progress.
I think the root cause of many of the life changed I’m going for come down to my less-than-ideal emotional and spiritual development.
- When I am introduced to someone – I often don’t remember (or even listen to) their name. Root cause = I don’t care about them.
- I work well with folks who love a good argument - but people who don’t like conflict find me pretty damn intolerable. Root cause = I don’t read the emotions of others and adjust my approach.
- I can’t seem to relax. Sitting still bothers me. I go hard until I burn out. Root cause = not sure…
These specific problems lead to my vision for the emotional/spiritual part of my life.
I am in control of my emotions – not a prisoner. I can shunt anger, summon my passion, direct my love and compassion.
I feel connected to something larger than myself – something unbearably large and important. And I am contributing to it.
I really fucking want this.
Progress So Far
- Read a bunch of books.
- Nothing is translating over into everyday life.
- Draft blog post in May on ‘Emotion Hacking.’
- Never published.
- Researched a bunch of retreats (Buddhism, Star Foundation.)
- Haven’t gone on any.
Close to squat on progress. I keep glimpsing the power of these disciplines. The day after reading The Art of Happiness I was *absolutely* more compassionate for at least 48 hours. It kicked ass. But I can’t seem to follow through.
What’s going on?
This is really hard for me. Go lift some weights until I puke. No problem. Eat only meat and vegetables? No problem. Email once a day? Tough – but ultimately no problem. Sit still for 10 minutes and try not to think of anything? Err…
But today is the day I get started. No more fucking excuses. I want this, there are numerous benefits, and I can do it.
30-Day Trial – Meditation
For the next 30 days I will meditate for 10 minutes each day.
I haven’t decided on the precise meditation technique I will use. I will experiment. I’ll start with sitting still, focusing on my breathing, and thinking of absolutely nothing. I’ll be doing this right after I get up in the morning ideally.
I have no excuse not to do this.
- Practicing meditation connects directly to the vision I have for my life.
- The benefits of meditation are numerous.
- I have plenty of time on my hands, with few distractions.
- I’m only committing for 30 days.
- 10 minutes a day is a short time.
- I’ll be emailing Johnny and Derek every day with my results.
- I’ll be playing bud.ge – specifically a health behavior change program called Meditation Buddy.
- I’ll report back here on results in 30 days – public shame at failure will help.
Help me with this. If you see me – ask how it’s going. I shall not fail.